An Open Letter to My Mental Illness

As long as I’ve had you, I’ve known one thing: I will not let you win.  You may knock me down some days or render me useless for the moment, but I will not stop fighting. I will not let you win.

You tell me that no one likes me as an attempt to defeat me.  You feed me lies so that I will cut off those around me.  You succeed from time to time, but I will not let you win.

I spent most of my life trying to hide you.  You told me that everyone would reject me if they knew about you.  I believed you.  In hiding you, I was letting you win, but not anymore.  I will not let you win.

I tell others about you so that they can fight you themselves.  I raise awareness of you. I make sure everyone knows you’re real.  I have set out to destroy you.  I will not let you win.

You try to define me.  Others may allow you to define me, but you are not what makes me who I am.  I will not let you win.

God makes me who I am.  God loves me despite of you.  God gave me you to make me stronger, and with Him on my side, I will not let you win.

Because of you, my life is a constant up hill battle.  Because of you, I have to gather courage to get out of bed in the mornings.  Because of you, there are nights when I don’t think that I can go on, but because I don’t want you, I persevere.  I will not let you win.

You are a driving force that constantly motivates me, but do not confuse this with a need for you.  I do not need you.  You are a curse that will make me a better me, but that does not make you a blessing.  You have stolen much of my childhood and my youth, but no more.  I will not let you win.

I used to fear you.  I used to let you control me.  I’ve since realized that you should fear me.  You are no longer my nightmare, but I am yours.

You will never win.

-Megan

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s